Again, its bedtime. Well, bedtime for the kids. I just got home from work and got everyone to brush their teeth and got the house cleaned up and the dishes done. Now everyone has piled on my bed to watch a couple of episodes Bunnicula before they get so sleepy I send them to their own room so I wont have to tote them in there once theyve knocked out.
Its been a long day here. My eldest son had a dentist appointment. He is not quite 6 and terrified of dentists. I'm not sure why. He hasnt had any particularly bad experiences at a dentists. But he totally freaks out. So..... he had to have one of his baby teeth pulled. It had a pretty bad cavity in it (too much chocolate milk as a little one and too many goldfish crackers that stuck in his teeth.....also covid hit right when we were getting to dentists regularly......ok so long story there). He totally freaked out and to make it worse the tooth fell apart into like three pieces so it took that much longer to get it pulled out. Oh my goodness. I was shaking and sweating but cold at the same time trying to calm him and hold his hands and he was screaming - screaming at the top of his little lungs - and begging the dentist to stop. Very, very hard. As a mama who doesnt want her kid to be hurting, but also knows that the tooth needs to come out, and also dealing with guilt that my not quite 6 year old has a cavity already..... (His daddy had to have almost all of his baby teeth pulled though because of cavities. Id never heard of pulling baby teeth till we met.)
The dentist's office is about an hour away so we left early this morning. We had to gas the tuck up and take some trash by the dump. We ended up a hour early for the appointment so we went across the street to Target.
Now, I havent been in a Target since like 2011. We dont have one in our little town, and we dont get to the city very often and when we do we dont do a lot of random shopping, just go for what we need and leave. Ive heard a ton about Target though. Like almost every homemaker or mom I follow on social loves Target and shops there like all the time. So. We went to check it out and kill some time. Needless to say, Ill be going back. The clothes, the toys, the seasonal stuff! I really enjoyed that trip to the store. More than my husband hoped I would, I think. (He hates shopping.)
After the dentist appointment we had to pick up dinner (after the ride home), because it was too late for me to cook and my eldest needed to eat something soft anyways (like beans and cheese from Taco Bell), and my husband ran into Food Lion for some ice cream and popcicles.
All the shopping and dentist appointment out of the way we got home and had dinner and I got everything cleaned up from that, cleaned out the truck, got the laundry in the washer, swept the house, and just did a quick basic clean up.
So I was going to stay home with the kids tonight. After all that screaming and terror at the dentists, I just felt like maybe my eldest son would want to lay around and nap and eat ice cream all evening. And I wanted to be here for him if he needed me and didn't feel good. Well, my kids love their nanny and papa. I kept them home last night so that he could just snack all evening and go to bed early before the big dentist day. So when I let them go outside to play this evening after lunch both of my sons made a beeline for their nannys house (we live on the same property), and my 2 year old daughter wasnt far behind them.
I packed up my bag and my coffee and headed to work.
We had 2 calves on the ground already, and 3 cows in labor (all of which we had to pull). So 5 calves and fresh cows to work. Then, after all the paperwork and flushing the barns and pushing feed up was done, another heifer had feet out and we had to pull that one too. So 6 calves in 4 hours.
I came on home after cleaning up from the last calf. My husband's already texted me to tell me that he has 2 on the sand close to calving and another he just moved over that he thinks will calve tonight. So, Im just hoping his evening isnt too bad. He also has to feed 3 pens of cows and push feed up a couple more times - and deal with any trouble in the parlor.
I got my kids from my in laws home and told them goodnight and got the kids all in the house. I have a whole routine. Usually I get the kids busy playing and I sneak in the bathroom and do my nightly face routine and get out of my sandy, stinky, farm clothes and into my PJs. Then I get the kids to brush their teeth (my eldest didnt have to tonight). My little girl is potty training and so excited about it anytime she gets anywhere near a bathroom she has to go so I let her go and clean up the potty afterwards. Then I sweep up the house and do dishes while the kids play. I take my meds while the kids tv is coming on. Then I get my little girl in her PJs, and round the boys up to their bed. We get a quiet cartoon on and then call daddy and tell him goodnight. Then I get my daughter in my room and usually before I get set down good the boys are in here with me to watch a cartoon.
Its been a long day.
In this one day I've been wife, mother, encourager, fight settler, driver, housekeeper, shopper (shopping with kids is a job of its own!), sister (a couple times today I talked to my sister on the phone about her day), and farmer.
I'm thankful for my life. I'm thankful that as a part time working homeschool mama I get to wear so many hats. Even if it is exhausting on some days.
I have trouble slowing down to really enjoy my life. But when I take a moment to like slow down and just look at my day like Ive done here, Im really happy. Its fast paced most of the time, but it full and full of good things. I get to see my children grow and learn, and I get to be here for them. I hope Im good company to my husband. He is to me.
I have a ton of stuff I really enjoy - just simple stuff like my planner or even my morning and evening routine and some makeup. Just silly stupid stuff other people take for granted. It brings a lot of joy in my life because for 23 years of my life these things were taboo. I'm only now getting into it really and learning how to do stuff most girls learn at 12 or 13.
But it makes my day cheerful.
My life is so full.
I have a lot of guilt. Like I think its been programmed into me to downrate myself like I was raised with other people doing all the time. So its become a part of me. And that keeps me low I think. Because I downrate what I do and what I know.
I handled my 5 year old at a dentists today. With 5 different strangers. People I wouldve been shaking just trying to talk to 8 years ago. Now I sat there, talking about the zoo. And later got up close to 4 of them bent over my son helping with his procedure.
Then I came out of that and handled my other 2 kids who were driving their daddy crazy and got them settled down and at the same time got my husband updated on my eldest's tooth situation.
I have a clean home - because I clean it. No its not perfect. Its not decorated. Things are out of place and counter tops are clutters. But its mine and I keep it clean and liveable for myself and 4 other people.
Then at work, I pulled a calf, I worked the calves, I bolused 2 cows, gave shots, got behind a heifer and stuck my arm up her vagina and pulled the calf's feet out, got the OB chain around them, and got her all set up and pulled the calf. I walked into a pen of about 8 cows and heifers and cut out 3 jumpy, just out of labor, heifers by myself, got them separated from the other cows, and up a lane alone. No help. I walked thru a pen of 50 cows and spotted a cow with strange discharge. I had to have my husbands help to cut her out because she ran all over me, but she had a dead calf in her that had to be pulled. I found that. And I also found another cow that looked like she was in heat, cut her out of the pen of about 50 cows, by my self, hemmed her up in the chute, gloved up, ran my arm up her rectum, and pregnancy checked her, then let her back out and back in the herd. By myself.
I dont know why I let the voices of my past keep telling my I dont know anything, I cant trust myself, Im useless, and I always need someone else to help me and check behind me. And why I keep letting these voices convince me that everyone else feels the same way about me as they do.
Its an uphill battle. But its one worth fighting. And I'm blessed I dont have to fight alone. God gave me someone to encourage and help me to become what I really want to be. I'm so thankful for my husband. And I thank God everyday for him, and for my children, and for the life Hes given me to live.
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